@Smug_Lemur
What’s it like to have 5 kids? Imagine the noise at a Jamba Juice and none of the blenders have lids.
@Smug_Lemur
@Smug_Lemur
My daughter asked me what it’s like to have kids so I interrupted her every 11 seconds until she cried.
@Smug_Lemur
Everyone said the hamster catapult wasn’t appropriate for the science fair but no one could stop watching.
@Smug_Lemur
Possible Tic-Tac-Toe results:
a.) it’s a tie
b.) you’re an idiot
@Smug_Lemur
Good News: Got rid of the skunk smell on the cat using hydrogen peroxide, dishsoap & baking soda
Bad News: the cat now looks like Billy Idol
@Smug_Lemur
[God creating the octopus]
Idk, maybe make it look like the time I tried to cram the old pool noddles into a trash bag.
@Smug_Lemur
Me: You should really try this lip gloss
Her: this is super glue
Me: HEAR ME OUT
@Smug_Lemur
A hammock is really cool until you try to get out of it. I’m going to have to live here now. Goodnight.
@Smug_Lemur
*at psychic reading*
Psychic: you probably think you’re wasting your time
Me: Ooh you’re good
@Smug_Lemur
*at interview*
Him: What would you say are your strengths?
Me: Words
Him: Can you say more?
Me: More
Him:
Me: I’m also good at directions