It looks like bathroom tai chi but it’s me trying to trigger the automatic paper towel dispenser.
Why buy it for $7 when you can make it yourself with $92 worth of craft supplies.
God only gives you what you can handle. Really? Because I’m pretty sure I could handle way more money.
Pandas are proof that if you have a cute enough outfit no one will call you fat.
Good job with the heavy sighs, guy behind me, that should definitely help speed up the line.
Forgot I started my stopwatch. It’s now been 139:27.05 since I wondered how long it takes me to run five miles.
Maybe my grandma stayed married for 50 yrs because she never said stuff like “I just wish he would support me, you know, creatively.”
The best part about talking to a narcissist is how there isn’t any pressure to add to the conversation.
Anyone who says living well is the best revenge has clearly never relocated a bat colony while their enemy was at work.
“It’s not what it looks like,” I say to the bunny noticing my slippers.