@SocialExtortion

fun prank: text a girl “we need to talk right now” and then throw your phone into a river

@SocialExtortion

Hey, not too bad
I know mom
I know mom
I know mom
I know mom
I know mom
I know mom
I know mom
I love you too
Ok, bye

-phone convos with mom

@SocialExtortion

How to pick up women:
1-approach beautiful lady
2-bend at the knees
3-lift gently
4-oh god she’s screaming
5-put her down the cops are here

@SocialExtortion

I wish you would step back from that ledge, my friend. Seriously, I’m taking a selfie and you’re in the background

@SocialExtortion

It’s been the “longest week ever” for Janet on facebook, a woman that I know for a fact works 40 hours has been on facebook for 37 of them

@SocialExtortion

Millions of innocent coconuts are murdered each year so you can drink their nutritious blood you insensitive health freak

@SocialExtortion

How many drinks do I buy a girl if I want her to come home with me and clean up my room?

@SocialExtortion

I hate going to the dentist, he is always like “did you eat Oreos before you came in?” and “you are still eating Oreos, I can see you”