@SocialOutcast82

*walks through door to find entire family standing on various pieces of furniture

Me: Floor Is Lava??

12: No, spider fell from ceiling and we lost it

Me: OH SHIT! *jumps on counter

@SocialOutcast82

I’m starting to get to the age where I need a well thought out plan in order to stand up.

@SocialOutcast82

Me: Alexa, will you be my Valentine?

Alexa, robotically: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

@SocialOutcast82

I just want somebody to want me the way my dog wants a bite of my cheeseburger.