Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

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Page of SocialustGal13's best tweets

@SocialustGal13 : News is reporting a nun just had a baby. It's official, a nun is getting more action than me.

@SocialustGal13: Nice eyebrows girlfriend. I didn't know they made Sharpies in that color.

@SocialustGal13: Really, 6 more inches of snow today. My front yard is getting more action than me.

@SocialustGal13: Let's make a deal. You sing Christmas music in the office and I'll leave 5 minutes early to let the air out of your tires. Deal?

@SocialustGal13: I don't hate you. Hate is such a strong word. I just want to tickle your brain with this ice pick.

@SocialustGal13: There are 2 kinds of people:

1) Happy morning people

2) Cranky morning people that fantasize about killing the happy morning people

@SocialustGal13: My superpower is making red lights turn green simply by trying to write a tweet.

@SocialustGal13: My brother didnt take kindly to jail. He refused food & drink, and smeared feces on the walls. That's the last time we're playing Monopoly.

@SocialustGal13: Jehovah's Witnesses don't celebrate Halloween. Guess they don't like random people coming up to their door.

@SocialustGal13: My doctor told me to start killing people. Not in those exact words but he said I needed to reduce my stress. Same thing.