@SonOfCha

Girls adore it when you guess their weight as they walk by.

@SonOfCha

You know who DOES see something wrong with a little bump n’ grind?

Trevor in human resources.

@SonOfCha

Went into a massage parlor & asked for the happy ending, now I’m tucked into bed with a Korean woman reading me Cinderella.

@SonOfCha

Last night a burglar broke into my house but I quickly popped open a bag of potato chips & hid in all that free space.

@SonOfCha

Throwing a surprise party for my girlfriend so just remember that on the count of three we all yell “SURPRISE YOU’RE ERIC’S GIRLFRIEND”

@SonOfCha

I saw a commercial on Animal Planet where animals were talking & that’s all well & good but they totally got the giraffe’s accent wrong.

@SonOfCha

I would be a terrible stalker because A) not motivated enough 7) you would always hear the rattle of peanut m&ms behind you.

@SonOfCha

I call all dogs ‘puppies’, regardless of age. They like it.

@SonOfCha

The important thing to remember is that nobody asked you.

@SonOfCha

Nice tan. I’m guessing your mother is white & your father’s a sweet potato?