It’s too bad you unfollowed me, I was about to propose.
Girls adore it when you guess their weight as they walk by.
You know who DOES see something wrong with a little bump n’ grind?
Trevor in human resources.
Went into a massage parlor & asked for the happy ending, now I’m tucked into bed with a Korean woman reading me Cinderella.
Last night a burglar broke into my house but I quickly popped open a bag of potato chips & hid in all that free space.
Throwing a surprise party for my girlfriend so just remember that on the count of three we all yell “SURPRISE YOU’RE ERIC’S GIRLFRIEND”
I saw a commercial on Animal Planet where animals were talking & that’s all well & good but they totally got the giraffe’s accent wrong.
I would be a terrible stalker because A) not motivated enough 7) you would always hear the rattle of peanut m&ms behind you.
I call all dogs ‘puppies’, regardless of age. They like it.
The important thing to remember is that nobody asked you.