@SondraDeeMe: [first date]
Me: I collect taxidermy
Him: Really, taxidermy?
Me: It’s a family thing
[later, at my place]
Me: Feel free to hang your coat on my stepmom
@SondraDeeMe: When you skip while carrying a can of gas people move out of your way. Even if you're smiling. No one's happy when you have gas.
@SondraDeeMe: PMS: You okay?
PMS: I may have pushed too far this month.
ME: [in a bathtub full of chocolate pudding] No, we're cool.
@SondraDeeMe: [1st date]
ME: We should totally go Dutch.
HIM: I wasn't raised that way.
ME: *sadly looking at my wooden shoes* Okay.
@SondraDeeMe: We never discuss the elephant in the room at family gatherings; my siblings just toss peanuts at me.
@SondraDeeMe: My entire life feels like I’m holding a small, sticky child that isn’t mine.
@SondraDeeMe: [at family gathering]
Me: *shoving jumbo shrimp in my mouth*
Mom: Where are your manners?
Me: *points over at sister* She has them.
@SondraDeeMe: [HS reunion]
FRIEND: Heard from Billy Adent? He vanished after grade school. Do you know if he moved?
ME: [flashback to not unfreezing him during freeze tag because he said I smelled like milk] HE BETTER NOT HAVE!