Gemini: Please stop touching the Amulet of Unceasing Regret. It’s not a toy.
Aquarius: Your career is moving forward this week. Not with you, of course. Wave to it as it drives away in a new Lamborghini.
Aries: Measure twice, cut once, and don’t leave any fingerprints.
Don’t cry because it’s over. Smile because your fingerprints aren’t in the database.
Taurus: You have a big life choice to make so watch endless YouTube videos instead of thinking about it.
I am interested in:
🔘 making peace with the terror of being alive
Virgo: Expect romance on the horizon. Do not expect it to ever come closer to you than that.
Aries: You will give blood generously this week, but it won’t be your idea.
Aries: You will dance on your enemy’s grave this week, finishing 3rd in the grave dancing contest.
Gemini: Invisible hands draw closer to your throat. Also, an Adobe software update is available. It will require a restart.