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Page of Sorrowscopes's best tweets

@Sorrowscopes : Aries: You will be visited by three ghosts this Christmas. They're all married, so don't even ask.

@Sorrowscopes: Scorpio: Are you really gonna trust NASA? After they left Matt Damon on Mars? Who does that?

@Sorrowscopes: Leo: You will unwrap a package of Pop Tarts and none of the corners will have fallen off. This is how you will know you died in your sleep.

@Sorrowscopes: Gemini: You may find yourself wondering if you're dreaming or not. A simple test is to punch a cop in the face.

@Sorrowscopes: Libra: You wake up fastened to a wooden stake. People in goat masks are dancing around a bonfire. We'll be honest. Things don’t look good.