Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

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Page of SortaBad's best tweets

@SortaBad : This will teach them to underestimate me

@SortaBad: ME: What do you recommend? It's our anniversary

WAITRESS AT WAFFLE HOUSE: You should try a waffle

@SortaBad: i'm lonely just not "inventor of the boomerang" lonely

@SortaBad: The one upside to triplets is that you finally have enough babies to juggle

@SortaBad: Avocado Toast was invented by the Deep State as a way to suppress the economic advancement of millennials

@SortaBad: We need a Disney princess who is great at basketball and also a golden retriever

@SortaBad: [returns from Costco]
"Honey you didn't get stuff we don't need, did you?"
"Of course not babe"
*stands in front of 12-pack of garage doors*

@SortaBad: If you get a tattoo with words, and there is a misspelling, just get a red squiggly line added underneath it and everything's cool

@SortaBad: [debate, 2020 election]
Moderator: President Trump said you will 'hurt badly the growth' - how do you respond?
Oprah: So perhaps everyone in American right now could...take a look under their seats
Me, at home, finding a toaster oven: holy shit

@SortaBad: The most unbelievable part of any Christmas movie is that characters my age are homeowners