If you’re careful, you can eat an entire rack of ribs while taking a shower.
When I saw her eating a whole chicken like it was corn on the cob, I knew she was the one for me.
I was kinda flattered when the police sketch artist made me better looking.
Growing up I was convinced the only reason my parents had kids was so we could change the channel on the tv.
Not to brag but I’ll inherit 17 bottles of Old Spice when my dad dies.
Me when I’m high: I’ll take seven burritos.
Me when I’m not high: I’ll take seven burritos.
Sombrero is better than nobrero.
How I flirt with girls:
1. Walk past them 15 times
2. Go home
A beautiful woman said hi to me at the store and I panicked and said Merry Christmas.
Women remember something that happened five years ago. I can’t remember why I stood up.