@Spaced_Cowboy00

If you’re careful, you can eat an entire rack of ribs while taking a shower.

@Spaced_Cowboy00

When I saw her eating a whole chicken like it was corn on the cob, I knew she was the one for me.

@Spaced_Cowboy00

Growing up I was convinced the only reason my parents had kids was so we could change the channel on the tv.

@Spaced_Cowboy00

Me when I’m high: I’ll take seven burritos.

Me when I’m not high: I’ll take seven burritos.

@Spaced_Cowboy00

A beautiful woman said hi to me at the store and I panicked and said Merry Christmas.

@Spaced_Cowboy00

Women remember something that happened five years ago. I can’t remember why I stood up.