@Spaziotwat

On average people watch 8 Spider-Man movies a year in their sleep

@Spaziotwat

[watching paint dry]

“Haha! It’s just nice watching something without Benedict Cumberbatch inMy God! There he is”

@Spaziotwat

I’ve been trying to leave Rome for weeks but all their roads have this weird design flaw.

@Spaziotwat

[1873]

Scientist: [*exits time machine*] “I did it! I visited the future”

Assistant: “What was it like?”

Scientist: “Do you like staring at rectangles?”

@Spaziotwat

What’s the optimum number of puppets for a job interview? I know it’s not seven

@Spaziotwat

My wife left me by doing the “stairs behind the sofa” thing and never came back

@Spaziotwat

Sorry to bang on about this but the lack of references to penguins in the Bible is undermining my faith

@Spaziotwat

Today I will be hosting a book sale until the librarians notice