Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of Spaziotwat's best tweets

@Spaziotwat : My wife left me by doing the "stairs behind the sofa" thing and never came back

@Spaziotwat: Sorry to bang on about this but the lack of references to penguins in the Bible is undermining my faith

@Spaziotwat: When the skirt was invented women only had one leg

@Spaziotwat: Allah? Oh shit. I've been praying to Alan

@Spaziotwat: Today I will be hosting a book sale until the librarians notice

@Spaziotwat: Every year tigers kill 150 people: it's like they're not even trying; there are billions of us

@Spaziotwat: My wife says I'm too trusting. At least he says he's my wife.

@Spaziotwat: [First day, CSI]

Inspector: “Who did the chalk outlines?”
- “Me sir”
Inspector: “Did all the victims have jazz-hands?”
- “Sir. Yes sir”

@Spaziotwat: [Creation]

God:*creates single-cell life form* "Wahoo!"

*cell divides*

God:"What the-"

*cells divide again*

God:"Oh shi-"

@Spaziotwat: My wife's kidnappers sent her back early with a full apology, some money, and several of their fingers.