@Stap_Jr

I’ve seen enough movies to know that the first step to stealing a car is jamming a screwdriver into the ignition.

@Stap_Jr

You should be allowed to take your own food to KFC and have them kentucky fry it for you.

@Stap_Jr

This coyote won’t let me get close enough to put a sweater on him.

@Stap_Jr

My dog loves going for hikes but I carry him for most of it because his feet get cold so I guess technically he likes being carried around in a winter forest setting.

@Stap_Jr

A brainwash actually sounds pretty nice right now.

@Stap_Jr

The part I don’t like about the show Unsolved Mysteries is when the mysteries don’t get solved.

@Stap_Jr

Dominos sent me an email while I was in the frozen pizza section. Trust issues much? I’ll call you later, relax.

@Stap_Jr

My charger only works if my phone is on a 45 degree angle, resting on a tiny pillow with Pat Benatar playing quietly in the background.

@Stap_Jr

I exit the pool in slow motion, running my hand through my receding hairline.

@Stap_Jr

Pimp My Ride just showed up and turned my Corolla into a barbecue.