I’ve seen enough movies to know that the first step to stealing a car is jamming a screwdriver into the ignition.
You should be allowed to take your own food to KFC and have them kentucky fry it for you.
This coyote won’t let me get close enough to put a sweater on him.
My dog loves going for hikes but I carry him for most of it because his feet get cold so I guess technically he likes being carried around in a winter forest setting.
A brainwash actually sounds pretty nice right now.
The part I don’t like about the show Unsolved Mysteries is when the mysteries don’t get solved.
Dominos sent me an email while I was in the frozen pizza section. Trust issues much? I’ll call you later, relax.
My charger only works if my phone is on a 45 degree angle, resting on a tiny pillow with Pat Benatar playing quietly in the background.
I exit the pool in slow motion, running my hand through my receding hairline.
Pimp My Ride just showed up and turned my Corolla into a barbecue.