Bad: Getting bit by a spider…
Worse: …inside your mouth…
Worst: …while making out with someone.
If you really loved your kids, you would teach them to say their alphabet forwards AND backwards. They’ll thank you later.
I’m always creeped out by the guy who seems to know the age of consent laws a little too well.
When you have “very happily married” in your bio, we read that as “DM me about my other secret account ’cause my spouse watches this one.”
I’m going as “Twitter Elite” for Halloween. I’m going to randomly say unfunny things and not talk to anyone who speaks to me.