@SteelFontana

Bad: Getting bit by a spider…
Worse: …inside your mouth…
Worst: …while making out with someone.

@SteelFontana

If you really loved your kids, you would teach them to say their alphabet forwards AND backwards. They’ll thank you later.

@SteelFontana

I’m always creeped out by the guy who seems to know the age of consent laws a little too well.

@SteelFontana

When you have “very happily married” in your bio, we read that as “DM me about my other secret account ’cause my spouse watches this one.”

@SteelFontana

I’m going as “Twitter Elite” for Halloween. I’m going to randomly say unfunny things and not talk to anyone who speaks to me.