@Steelers1972
You would be amazed how cheap lawn mowers are at Home Depot when you own a pickup truck and a orange apron.
@Steelers1972
@Steelers1972
A spider just fell from the ceiling and landed right in front of me and now I have to explain why a woman was screaming in my cubicle.
@Steelers1972
Took the batteries out of the smoke detector to use in my remote cause I would rather die in a fire than have to get up & change the channel
@Steelers1972
My friend has canceled our lunch plans three days in a row. I’m starting to think she really doesn’t like lunch.
@Steelers1972
Baby, I would run into a burning building from you.
@Steelers1972
My superpower is destroying the neighbors living room from 100 yards with nothing but her cat and my laser pointer.
@Steelers1972
If your drug dealer answers your call on the first ring …. he’s a cop.
@Steelers1972
Cop ~ Do you know how fast you were going sir ?
Me ~ Uhhh …. Roughly about the same as you
Cop ~ Get out
@Steelers1972
Just hung a picture of Steve Buscemi over my daughters toothbrush to ensure proper brushing.
@Steelers1972
Hey Verizon, here’s an idea ~ $9.99 for unlimited calls, text, and data. But, $179.99 a minute to call ex-girlfriends.