Funny Tweeter

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Page of StellaGMaddox's best tweets

@StellaGMaddox : My husband is on the roof - only a few inches away from an insurance claim that could completely change my life.

@StellaGMaddox: According to the 2nd law of thermodynamics, when parents relax, children must increase the amount of disorder in the universe to compensate.

@StellaGMaddox: My daughter wrote, "I will see you every day of our lives," on my Mother's Day card, so I guess we've resorted to threats now.

@StellaGMaddox: My daughter wrote, "I will see you every day of our lives," on my Mother's Day card, so I guess we've resorted to threats now.

@StellaGMaddox: My daughter wrote, "I will see you every day of our lives," on my Mother's Day card, so I guess we've resorted to threats now.

@StellaGMaddox: I get so excited when Facebook tells me there are hot singles in my city who want to meet me. Maybe they want to babysit!

@StellaGMaddox: 5: I cleaned my room.

Me: Great! Do you feel good? Sometimes it makes me feel good when I clean something.

5: No. Next time you can do it.

@StellaGMaddox: I grounded my kid from electronics for a week and now he won't stop talking to me and I think I've made a horrible mistake.

@StellaGMaddox: 5: "Mommy why not?"

Me: "Because you're driving me crazy."

5: "How?"
5: "How?"
5: "How?"
5: "How?"
5: "How?"
5: "How?"
5: "How?"
5: "How?"

@StellaGMaddox: Nothing makes me second-guess my language like a little voice chirping, "Mommy, I found your freaking measuring spoons."