“What a tangled web we weave”
62% of marriage conversation is just
spouses stating “I never said that.”
PETA wants us to stop using animal slogans
such as “bring home the bacon”
They’d have us say “bring home the bagels”
That suggestion has holes in it.
Just got myself some new
memory foam shoes.
Maybe now I’ll remember
why I walked in the room.
What a shocker.
I just ran my car through the car wash.
And it turns out the car is white.
Who named it “Viagra” …..
and not “Miracle Grow” ?
Pro tip : If you get a dog,
name him “Five Miles”
Then you can brag that you
walk Five Miles every day.
Canadian cattle can now legally
graze on cannabis plants.
The steaks have never been higher.
Just opened a collision repair
shop called “Auto Correct.”
My mother always cooked with wine
while I was growing up back home.
Occasionally she would even add
some to whatever she was cooking.