Because you never know when your
aquarium could explode ….
and you really need those 96 rolls
of paper towels.
Just saved a guy from drowning by
throwing him a CVS receipt as a lifeline.
He also gets 25% off his next rescue.
No Karen; a stable relationship is not
when you move in with the horses.
No Karen, you can’t return your
eclipse glasses tomorrow and
claim they “didn’t fit.”
My wife handed me a paring
knife to slice some peaches.
Apparently we don’t have
a peaching knife.
A surge of capital into the Canadian
marijuana industry has stocks soaring.
Marijuana stock prices have now
reached a new …um …high.
Painting safety tip :
When house painting from a ladder,
never step back to admire your work.
I got a haircut and grabbed some
shampoo at the checkout line.
Her : “Do you want a bag ?”
Me : “OMG…is the haircut that bad ?”
A video of a seal jumping in a boat
to escape killer whales went viral.
They were trying to orca-strate
a meal, but didn’t seal the deal.
I have a book to read on
I bought it in 2007.