I feel sorry for all the responsible bulls out there minding their own business and just looking to buy some nice china.
If you say “cash money” around me,
Don’t act surprised when I kick you in the “balls nuts”
See how stupid that sounds?
For fun, I steal my married friends phones & change my name to
‘Brandy from the club’
then repeatedly call them & hang up at 3am.
How to propose marriage:
1. Drive to bridge
2. Jump off
Look, all I’m saying is, you never see Nikki Manaj and E.T. in the same place at the same time.
I’m not saying I have a questionable work ethic, but I just got called lazy by a guy wearing velcro shoes.
My neighbor gave my kid a whistle today.
He is survived by his wife Linda.
In lieu of flowers, donations can be made to my bail money fund.
If your mother in law and your father in law were both engulfed in flames, and you only had one fire extinguisher,
where would you hide it?