@SuicideBooth1

Brain: She’s cute, talk to her…

Me: but what should I say?

Brain: ask her if she likes meat…

Me: What?

Brain: c’mon man, do it…

@SuicideBooth1

[couples therapy]

Mrs: he’s too handsy, always touching me all over…

Mr: [who is an octopus] I CANT HELP IT LINDA IM LIKE 90% HANDS…

@SuicideBooth1

Unicorn: Come on man, do it just one more time.

Dragon: This is the last time.

Unicorn: Hell yeah!

Dragon: [toasts unicorns marshmallow]

@SuicideBooth1

[fans out the deck]

Pick a card, any card..

Memorize it..

[hits you in the face with a shovel]

KING OF SPADES!

[walks off]