My son asked me if mayonnaise was a mammal.
*cashes in college fund
*installs a pool in backyard
I like to make things awkward on first dates just by shouting “wrong hole!!” at inappropriate times, like when you’re eating.
Except you, cauliflower, you have to pretend to be other food.
The neighbor’s cat brought me a dead lizard while I was outside having a snack on the patio, so it’s now some weird interspecies potluck.
I think all the women who don’t get a rose on the Bachelor should at least walk away with a cat.