@SummerCandyEyes

My son asked me if mayonnaise was a mammal.

*cashes in college fund
*installs a pool in backyard

@SummerCandyEyes

I like to make things awkward on first dates just by shouting “wrong hole!!” at inappropriate times, like when you’re eating.

@SummerCandyEyes

The neighbor’s cat brought me a dead lizard while I was outside having a snack on the patio, so it’s now some weird interspecies potluck.

@SummerCandyEyes

I think all the women who don’t get a rose on the Bachelor should at least walk away with a cat.