Who needs clocks when my dog’s digestive system can nail time with pinpoint accuracy
My dog’s dinner: premium organic grain-free no salt or sugar GM free 80% meat 20% veg
My dinner: Haribo
There’s an owl calling for its mate outside my window, maybe I should go out and try that too
When a guy asks “should I use a condom?” I like to reply “I would if I were you” Makes them think…
Random dm guy: What are you wearing?
Me: A scathing look of disdain