Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Follow us on Instagram. That's it, don't make us say cringy things like YouTubers say at the end of their videos. Click here to follow us

Page of SuperApple80's best tweets

@SuperApple80 : The most unrealistic part about “Grey’s Anatomy” is how much work the doctors are doing instead of the nurses.

@SuperApple80: Gorilla Glue works best if you want your fingers stuck to whatever’s broken but you don’t actually want to fix it.

@SuperApple80: Him: Why do you like to feed ducks so much?
Me: (flashback to my dream when I only got into Heaven because God was a duck) It calms me.

@SuperApple80: Everybody thinks they want to sleep with an older women until we ask you to sit up straight and keep your elbows off the table.

@SuperApple80: Not everyone is going to like you and that’s okay. Not everyone deserves air in their tires either.

@SuperApple80: “Did you just walk past my house, you piece of shit?”

- dogs

@SuperApple80: Legend states of the time Tom Hanks cropdusted a toddler at Target and whispered in his ear “it’s my word against yours, you little shit.”

@SuperApple80: No Botox for me, thanks. I just keep getting fatter to fill out the wrinkles.

@SuperApple80: yeah breakups hurt but have you ever tagged someone on a meme and they reply back “I already saw this”

@SuperApple80: Crazy how 15 years of math still wasn’t enough to prepare me for baking two boxes of brownies at once.