Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

We're redesigning Funny Tweeter. Your feedback is always welcome. Talk to us at @funTweeters

Page of SuperJuanderer's best tweets

@SuperJuanderer : Me: your parents named you that?
That: yes

@SuperJuanderer: Wife has spotted me tweeting while she is talking to me.
This does not please her.
She is currently approaching me.
She is reaching for my

@SuperJuanderer: [psychiatrist who used to be a cheerleader] you seem aggressive seem seem aggressive

@SuperJuanderer: [cats on a date in a fancy restaurant]
Male: I can't decide if I want tuna or the salmon.
Female: *Slowly pushes pepper shaker off table

@SuperJuanderer: The other giraffes watched and giggled as Herbert got to button number 87 on his dress shirt before they told him he started one button off.

@SuperJuanderer: What idiot called them swordfish instead of... oh, no, wait, actually that's pretty good.

@SuperJuanderer: When life gives you lemons, you should peel one in front of the other lemons. You know... to send a message.

@SuperJuanderer: If a spider attacks you, you should play dead. No, wait... that's for a bear. If a spider attacks a bear, you should play dead.

@SuperJuanderer: If I was a villain, I would follow superheroes to their normal human interviews for jobs & note what they answer as their biggest weaknesses