@SvnSxty
my nudist neighbours are moving away and selling everything and I’m thinking the washer and dryer will be worth a look
@SvnSxty
@SvnSxty
Me: I need a minute to play with myself to get hard
Wife: *smirking* ok
Me: *pulls out my game boy*
@SvnSxty
whoever named them “freshmen” never had to live with three of them
@SvnSxty
the casting director for “the boys” probably just left a few milkshakes out
@SvnSxty
Birds: but doesn’t the blood rush to-
Bats: pnq ǝɹǝɥ dǝǝls oʇ ƃuᴉʎɹʇ ǝɹ,ǝʍ
@SvnSxty
“I will eat 3 oreos” I say to myself, bringing the bag
@SvnSxty
Gang Leader: did you do the drive by?
Me: *holding milkshakes* what
@SvnSxty
Me: but the therapist told me I should face my fears
Wife: *seething* not your fear of dropping a baby you idiot
Me: calm down it wasn’t even our baby
@SvnSxty
Mrs. Claus: *opens door* you’ve been in here working on the naughty list all day
Santa Claus: *fumbling to close his internet browser* I need PRIVACY please
@SvnSxty
sorry cinderella but if he couldn’t recognize your face without your designer shoes on I have some news