@SvnSxty
Alien: did you just call me daddy
Me: I don’t get probed much
@SvnSxty
Splinter: ok I’ve made some coloured disguises for you all
Donatello: to protect our identities?
Splinter: exactly Raphael
Michaelangelo: lol he’s not Raphael
Splinter: sorry you’re right Leonardo
Raphael: master, that’s not-
Splinter: just put them on please
@SvnSxty
Netflix: Are you still watching?
Blockbuster: 😭 yes
@SvnSxty
Husband praying mantis: I have a headache
@SvnSxty
Drive thru lady: enjoy your food
Me: you too
Drive thru lady:
Me: *slowly drives away, tears in eyes, knowing I can never return*
@SvnSxty
Surgeon: I can’t find the clot
Wife: *from gallery* oh BIG surprise
@SvnSxty
Mosquitoes:
Noah: *eyes narrow*
@SvnSxty
Dog: I am more loyal, intelligent, and social
Cat:
Dog: I am faster, stronger, and more dangerous
Cat:
*power goes out*
Dog: *panics and runs directly into the wall in the dark, knocking himself out cold*
Cat: you were saying
@SvnSxty
In star trek not one of those snobs orders a grilled cheese sandwich from the replicator smh
@SvnSxty
Me: Hello?
Satan: I’d like to make a return
Me: ALL SALES ARE FINAL