Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of Swain_Train47's best tweets

@Swain_Train47 : Is "asking for a friend" just a way people can nonchalantly ask a question while making it seem like someone else asked? Asking for a friend

@Swain_Train47: I hope that one day I am as fearless as a New York City Pigeon.

@Swain_Train47: Bernie Sanders was going to do a parody of Trump's slogan for his campaign but "Make America Bern Again" didn't go over well with marketing.

@Swain_Train47: My favorite thing to do in cities is walk down busy sidewalks, pass by people, and say into my phone "Target is on the move.”

@Swain_Train47: Cop 1: You think Simon will escape?
Cop 2: Nah, he's locked up in there good.
Simon: Simon Says free me.
Cop 1: Dang it, he got us.

@Swain_Train47: Jim: What shall we name our new playground invention?
Roy: Idk. The playground business sure is a Jungle, Jim.
Jim: ...Say that again.