Winner of the first annual socially distancing award goes to…
Learning to cook watching the Food Network. Today I made a puréed nut spread with a grape reduction on brioche bread…
At this point my only chance at getting thinner is going to a paint store.
My inexpensive home security system…
I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.
When birds poop on my car, I eat a plate of scrambled eggs on my front porch just so they know what I’m capable of.
I tried to explain Twitter to my Mom and she said, “Sounds like group therapy where no one ever gets better”.
Phones have become so expensive that if you fall and hear a cracking sound you pray that it was your leg.
I’ve spotted six Pokémon today but I don’t have the Pokémon GO app so it may just be that I need my new meds adjusted.
Based on the amount of laundry I did today I have to assume there are people living in this house I haven’t met yet.