Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets
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@Swishergirl24 : I need more disguises so Costco doesn't know I'm eating there for free every day.
@Swishergirl24: Nothing is more confusing than a perfume commercial.
@Swishergirl24: "Be cool, be cool,
~me before I'm about to not be cool.
@Swishergirl24: Why don’t furniture stores just tell us when they’re NOT having a huge sale?
@Swishergirl24: I think my cleaning people are stealing my paranoia medication.
@Swishergirl24: Son: how will I know when I’m a grown-up?
Me: certain foods will make your stomach hurt.
@Swishergirl24: This frozen meal expects me to know what wattage my microwave is like I'm some kind of wizard.
@Swishergirl24: Meeting people from the Internet is a great way to either get murdered or have sex. Either way it sounds great.
@Swishergirl24: Parenting is all about multitasking. Like trying to brush your teeth while you're rock climbing.
@Swishergirl24: I was hoping to lose weight when I quit drinking, but it turns out that's not how pregnancy works.
There is only one rule, it should be funny, you can submit your own tweet or one you think is funny.
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FunnyTweeter.com is a daily updated collection of funniest tweets from all over the world. We did not write these tweets, all credit goes to the original authors, follow them and encourage them to tweet more :)
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