So far my favorite part about being pregnant is telling people I’m not pregnant when they ask when I’m due.
Star Wars spoiler: Ross and Rachel end up together in the end.
Why are people upset about the Starbucks cup and not the fact that they are paying $7 for coffee?
I just found out that the only thing you need to apply for a marriage license is your ID and an idiot.
Romeo and Juliet is my favorite story about idiot teenagers who don’t know the difference between sleeping and dead
If by “unload the dishwasher” you mean take out clean utensils as I need them, then yes I unloaded the dishwasher.
I’m white, but not like “has a golden retriever named Chance” white.
Doctor: You have bronchitis
Me: OMG I’ve always wanted a dinosaur!What do I feed it?
Plumber: you have hard water.
Me: you mean like ice?
A fun thing to yell at a magic show is “BURN HIM, HE’S A WITCH”
Plumber: you have hard water.
Me: you mean like ice?
Sleeping Beauty is my favorite Disney movie where the curse sounds amazing.
Police officer: Ma’am do you know why I pulled you over?
Me: I’m just as confused as you are.
Me: What the hell do you want?
Him: Um, YOU called ME.
If I tell you I can’t text you because I’m driving it’s only because I’m also eating.