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Page of T_Bonezzz_'s best tweets

@T_Bonezzz_ : Ask your doctor if asking your wife what she did all day is right for you

@T_Bonezzz_: Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over?
Me: Cuz saying ‘pulled me under’ sounds weird??

@T_Bonezzz_: When I'm depressed I like listening to Alanis Morupset

@T_Bonezzz_: Turns out pizza has everything I’m looking for in a woman

@T_Bonezzz_: Me: I hurt my back really bad
Friend: How?
Me: I woke up

@T_Bonezzz_: [First Date]

Waiter: Hi, would u like to start off with an appetizer?

Me: I'm gonna wait until my date arrives

W: Sir, it's been 3 hours

@T_Bonezzz_: [FIRST DATE]

Her: I’m a vegan

Me: [*trying to impress her] People hate me too

@T_Bonezzz_: My neighbor told me I should start living my dreams so I had sex with his wife

@T_Bonezzz_: Did you know that it takes 0 facial muscles to give you the finger

@T_Bonezzz_: *Jumps out of bed

“Seize the day!!”

*Stubs toe

*Calls in sick