Funny Tweeter

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Page of T_Bonezzz_'s best tweets

@T_Bonezzz_ : [FIRST DATE]

Her: I’m a vegan

Me: [*trying to impress her] People hate me too

@T_Bonezzz_: My neighbor told me I should start living my dreams so I had sex with his wife

@T_Bonezzz_: Did you know that it takes 0 facial muscles to give you the finger

@T_Bonezzz_: *Jumps out of bed

“Seize the day!!”

*Stubs toe

*Calls in sick

@T_Bonezzz_: [ Medical Website to retrieve your STD test results ]

**SIGN IN WITH FACEBOOK**

@T_Bonezzz_: FedEx would be a cool name for a restaurant for divorced couples

@T_Bonezzz_: Me: [*Drinks water]
My Liver: New liquid, who dis?

@T_Bonezzz_: Mom, I have a runny nose I don’t need a rectal thermometer.

Plus, I'm 35

@T_Bonezzz_: [ GUY INVENTING THE LUGE ]

[*Drunk] Hmmm… I wonder what would happen if I slide down this ice mountain on this lawn chair?!

@T_Bonezzz_: *Takes drive down memory lane

*Gets a DUI