Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets
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@T_Bonezzz_ : [FIRST DATE]
Her: I’m a vegan
Me: [*trying to impress her] People hate me too
@T_Bonezzz_: My neighbor told me I should start living my dreams so I had sex with his wife
@T_Bonezzz_: Did you know that it takes 0 facial muscles to give you the finger
@T_Bonezzz_: *Jumps out of bed
“Seize the day!!”
*Calls in sick
@T_Bonezzz_: [ Medical Website to retrieve your STD test results ]
**SIGN IN WITH FACEBOOK**
@T_Bonezzz_: FedEx would be a cool name for a restaurant for divorced couples
@T_Bonezzz_: Me: [*Drinks water]
My Liver: New liquid, who dis?
@T_Bonezzz_: Mom, I have a runny nose I don’t need a rectal thermometer.
Plus, I'm 35
@T_Bonezzz_: [ GUY INVENTING THE LUGE ]
[*Drunk] Hmmm… I wonder what would happen if I slide down this ice mountain on this lawn chair?!
@T_Bonezzz_: *Takes drive down memory lane
*Gets a DUI