Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets
We're redesigning Funny Tweeter. Your feedback is always welcome. Talk to us at @funTweeters
@T_Bonezzz_ : [ Medical Website to retrieve your STD test results ]
**SIGN IN WITH FACEBOOK**
@T_Bonezzz_: FedEx would be a cool name for a restaurant for divorced couples
@T_Bonezzz_: Me: [*Drinks water]
My Liver: New liquid, who dis?
@T_Bonezzz_: Mom, I have a runny nose I don’t need a rectal thermometer.
Plus, I'm 35
@T_Bonezzz_: [ GUY INVENTING THE LUGE ]
[*Drunk] Hmmm… I wonder what would happen if I slide down this ice mountain on this lawn chair?!
@T_Bonezzz_: *Takes drive down memory lane
*Gets a DUI
@T_Bonezzz_: [Movie: Romance]
Him: [*At Airline Ticketing Counter] I need to get on the next flight to NY to tell my soulmate I love her!
Airline Clerk: That'll be $4,433.56...
Him: K... forget it...
@T_Bonezzz_: “You’re beautiful on the inside.”
- Me, to a Twinkie
@T_Bonezzz_: Me: How bout we head over to my place?
Me: I have a dog...
Her: Get in I'll drive
@T_Bonezzz_: [Gets Pulled Over]
Cop: Have u been drinking?
Me: No osiffer
C: What did u call me?
M: I mean orifice
M: ...office chair?
C: Get out