@T_Bonezzz_

[Movie: Romance]

Him: [*At Airline Ticketing Counter] I need to get on the next flight to NY to tell my soulmate I love her!

Airline Clerk: That’ll be $4,433.56…

Him: K… forget it…

@T_Bonezzz_

“You’re beautiful on the inside.”

– Me, to a Twinkie

@T_Bonezzz_

Me: How bout we head over to my place?
Her: Nope
Me: I have a dog…
Her: Get in I’ll drive

@T_Bonezzz_

[Gets Pulled Over]

Cop: Have u been drinking?
Me: No osiffer
C: What did u call me?
M: I mean orifice
C: …
M: …office chair?
C: Get out

@T_Bonezzz_

With the passing of Hugh Hefner, we must now turn the page on an American icon.

*Pages stick together

@T_Bonezzz_

[ First Date ]

Her: OMG, I’ve been talking about myself all night. Tell me a little bit about yourself..

Me: HODOR…

@T_Bonezzz_

Me: Waking up in the morning is so difficult
Bacon: Here, lemme help you with that