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@T_Bonezzz_ : *Takes drive down memory lane
*Gets a DUI
@T_Bonezzz_: [Movie: Romance]
Him: [*At Airline Ticketing Counter] I need to get on the next flight to NY to tell my soulmate I love her!
Airline Clerk: That'll be $4,433.56...
Him: K... forget it...
@T_Bonezzz_: “You’re beautiful on the inside.”
- Me, to a Twinkie
@T_Bonezzz_: Me: How bout we head over to my place?
Me: I have a dog...
Her: Get in I'll drive
@T_Bonezzz_: [Gets Pulled Over]
Cop: Have u been drinking?
Me: No osiffer
C: What did u call me?
M: I mean orifice
M: ...office chair?
C: Get out
@T_Bonezzz_: With the passing of Hugh Hefner, we must now turn the page on an American icon.
*Pages stick together
@T_Bonezzz_: Coworker: I ran 5 miles at the gym this morning
@T_Bonezzz_: *Romantically carries pizza over threshold
@T_Bonezzz_: [ First Date ]
Her: OMG, I've been talking about myself all night. Tell me a little bit about yourself..
@T_Bonezzz_: Me: Waking up in the morning is so difficult
Bacon: Here, lemme help you with that