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@T_Bonezzz_ : Her: YOU'RE A PIECE OF SHIT!
Me: Well... at least I'm not all of the shit
@T_Bonezzz_: Waiter: What can I get for you?
Me: Steak, please.
W: How would you like that cooked?
M: By anyone other than my wife
@T_Bonezzz_: Her Parents: Tell us how u two love birds met
Me: We were in a tweet contest & was added to a DM room & then I gave her a fake trophy
@T_Bonezzz_: Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over?
Me: Because my tires look like donuts?
Cop: Get out
@T_Bonezzz_: When I'm at a restaurant and see 'secret sauce' on the menu, I immediately tell the people at the table next to me
@T_Bonezzz_: Cat: Grrrrrplukk...Grrrrrplukk...Grrrrrplukk...Grrrrrplukk... [ *Coughs up hairball* ]
Dog: You gonna eat that?
@T_Bonezzz_: Cop: Know why I pulled u over?
Me: Know why I pulled u over
C: Stop that
M: Stop that
C: Wanna go to jail?
M: Wanna go to jail?
C: No.. errr
@T_Bonezzz_: "Treat Others the Way You Want to be Treated"
*Buys everyone snacks
@T_Bonezzz_: We decided to name our unborn child something that represents where it was conceived.
Only 7 more months until baby Uber is born!
@T_Bonezzz_: How disappointing is it that Han Solo didn't name his son 'Guitar'