The crows I feed every day attacked a UPS delivery guy that startled me so I guess I now have my own little squad of personal assassins.
Of course I’m wet baby, the heat index is 109 degrees.
I wish I could get the hell out of here and move to New Zealand. A Hobbit hole in Bag End would be nice right about now.
My cat just brought me my purse and car keys not sure what he’s trying to tell me.
Him: These candles are so romantic!
Me: They’re necessary for my human sacrifice ritual.
I love the smell of cut grass and the sound of unknown footsteps in my attic.
I hate when people do that thing in traffic that I also do.
“I don’t need more than 4 hours of sleep” I say proudly while spooning dish washer detergent into my coffee.
My face is permanently frozen into this scowl. You were right, Grandma.
I can never understand why people act surprised when horrible things happen. Where have you been since birth?