Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets
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@TattleTSister : Him: These candles are so romantic!
Me: They’re necessary for my human sacrifice ritual.
@TattleTSister: I love the smell of cut grass and the sound of unknown footsteps in my attic.
@TattleTSister: I hate when people do that thing in traffic that I also do.
@TattleTSister: "I don't need more than 4 hours of sleep" I say proudly while spooning dish washer detergent into my coffee.
@TattleTSister: My face is permanently frozen into this scowl. You were right, Grandma.
@TattleTSister: I can never understand why people act surprised when horrible things happen. Where have you been since birth?
@TattleTSister: Halloween is the perfect time to trick people into believing you aren't really going to use that ice pick you're carrying around.
@TattleTSister: You're an open book?
"Throws you into a bonfire."