@Tbone7219

Everyone rags on Facebook, but where else can you get a weather update, religious counseling, and a peach cobbler recipe all in one site.

@Tbone7219

I like to reassure my wife that even though I don’t have huge muscles she is always safe with me cause I’m a really loud screamer.

@Tbone7219

I hate when I’m hanging up my clothes and I find an unused treadmill from 1981.

@Tbone7219

My ceiling fan has three speeds ~

1. Slow

2. Medium

3. HOLY SHIT THERE’S A HELICOPTER LANDING IN MY BEDROOM !!!!

@Tbone7219

MTV Movie Awards comes on in 15 minutes if anyone needs a reason to turn off the TV and go to bed.

@Tbone7219

Nothing like spending 20 minutes of your day trying to recreate a fart sound your chair made to prove to your coworkers it wasn’t you.

@Tbone7219

My wife’s leftover meatloaf just growled at me and ran under the fridge …. now I’m scared.

@Tbone7219

Apparently banging the hell out of this remote doesn’t seem to be recharging these dead batteries.

@Tbone7219

My cat has been looking up at the corner of the ceiling and hissing at it for the past 30 minutes in other news I just put my house up for sale.

@Tbone7219

Me ~ yes , I want your 2 for $5 Whoppers

Burger King ~ you want cheese on that

Me ~ yes please

Burger King ~ ok that will be $40.75