Everyone rags on Facebook, but where else can you get a weather update, religious counseling, and a peach cobbler recipe all in one site.
I like to reassure my wife that even though I don’t have huge muscles she is always safe with me cause I’m a really loud screamer.
I hate when I’m hanging up my clothes and I find an unused treadmill from 1981.
My ceiling fan has three speeds ~
3. HOLY SHIT THERE’S A HELICOPTER LANDING IN MY BEDROOM !!!!
MTV Movie Awards comes on in 15 minutes if anyone needs a reason to turn off the TV and go to bed.
Nothing like spending 20 minutes of your day trying to recreate a fart sound your chair made to prove to your coworkers it wasn’t you.
My wife’s leftover meatloaf just growled at me and ran under the fridge …. now I’m scared.
Apparently banging the hell out of this remote doesn’t seem to be recharging these dead batteries.
My cat has been looking up at the corner of the ceiling and hissing at it for the past 30 minutes in other news I just put my house up for sale.
Me ~ yes , I want your 2 for $5 Whoppers
Burger King ~ you want cheese on that
Me ~ yes please
Burger King ~ ok that will be $40.75