Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

We're redesigning Funny Tweeter. Your feedback is always welcome. Talk to us at @funTweeters

Page of Tbone7219's best tweets

@Tbone7219 : I walk around my yard with a fake ankle monitor so my neighbors will not ask me to watch their kids

@Tbone7219: I like to reassure my wife that even though I don't have big muscles she is always safe with me cause I'm a really loud screamer.

@Tbone7219: Jennifer on Facebook hates being sick.

Really Jennifer? Most people love it.

@Tbone7219: I walk around my yard with a fake neck tattoo so my neighbors will not ask me to watch their kids.

@Tbone7219: You would be fucking amazed how cheap a riding mower is at Home Depot when you own a pickup truck and an orange apron.

@Tbone7219: If your drug dealer is on time, he’s a cop.

@Tbone7219: Todd on Facebook hates being sick.

Really Todd? Most people love it.

@Tbone7219: I like to reassure my girlfriend that even though I don't have big muscles she is always safe with me cause I'm a really loud screamer.

@Tbone7219: On tonight's episode of Catfish, Cathy finds out she’s been in an online relationship with a pineapple.

@Tbone7219: Nobody runs faster than a 4 year old holding your iPhone.