I still remember when people found me attractive.
Those were the minutes
Dear autocorrect. I will never mean “ I got that big sick energy”
Her: Go pound sand!
Me: * Seductively looks at sand
Sand: I have a boyfriend
Dude on the street corner was like $5 for a sandwich? And he didn’t even have a sandwich is why I have trust issues
Rips off my shirt to reveal an S on my chest that’s actually remnants of last nights spaghettiO’s
Me: will you have my baby?
Her: omg yes!
Me: * hands her a baby…
I posed nude for an artist once.