I think we’ve officially regressed back to medieval peasants. All we do is bake bread, revolt, and avoid plagues
what if all high-voltage signs on doors are just a trick and there’s actually an extra woman’s bathroom inside…
Me: the squirrels have been busy collecting nuts for the winter
Also me: can someone help me get down from this tree
Ok this TV character is expecting an important phone call from the kidnapper and they haven’t gotten once single spam call the whole time.
Must be nice.
opening and closing my bank account like I do the fridge hoping things will improve
Them: You’re too focused on revenge
Me: Oh yeah? We’ll see about that
I really just spent $40 on a costume for my dog so I can win a work pet costume contest for a $10 coffee gift card.
Do I regret it? Nope. Karen from accounting and her cat are going down
Fall is here! I can finally start burning my pumpkin cinnamon cupcake cranberry apple pie walk in the snow vanilla snickerdoodle flannel scented candle without feeling like a psychopath
You play the victim so well you probably have chalk in your pocket to outline your body
therapist : are you ever worried that-