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Page of TheAlexNevil's best tweets

@TheAlexNevil : *a horse, dog and penguin walk into a bar

Bartender: Seriously, why are we even paying the bouncer?

@TheAlexNevil: *bites a radioactive spider
*spider starts tweeting 18 hours a day

@TheAlexNevil: *first day as a cloning scientist
*first day as a cloning scientist
*first day as a cloning scientist
*first day as a cloning scientist
*first day as a cloning scientist

@TheAlexNevil: *first day in a Vegas poker tournament

Me: I’m all in
Host: Sir, this is the buffet

@TheAlexNevil: *first day as zookeeper

(letting animals out) “Go, mingle.”

@TheAlexNevil: *Neil Armstrong sets foot on moon:
“NO... BIG... QUOTE... PLANNED... AND... NOTHING... SPRINGS... TO... MIND”

Houston: Did you say "That's one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind"?
...
...
Neil Armstrong: uuuh, yes, yes I did

@TheAlexNevil: I call a spade a “spade.”
I also call a horse a “horse” and a pencil a “pencil.”
When it comes to calling things by their names, I am no one to be trifled with.

@TheAlexNevil: Marriage is about understanding what irritates your spouse and using it strategically.

@TheAlexNevil: I took a break from social media to spend more time with my family. My family has requested I spend more time with social media.

@TheAlexNevil: Not all clowns are creepy. Many are just honest, hard-working operatives of Satan.