Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets
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@TheAlexNevil : Me: Do you have any three tiered wedding cakes?
Baker: But of course! When do you need it by?
M: No, I'll just eat it here.
@TheAlexNevil: "A picture is worth a thousand words."
"A thousand words is for amateurs."
@TheAlexNevil: "You're unemployed 364 days a year. It's not that sexy."
@TheAlexNevil: "If you love the bed so much why don't you marry it?"
*imagines beautiful ceremony on the beach, me & Beddy.
No one can stop our love now.
@TheAlexNevil: Fried chicken is unhealthy, especially for the chicken.
@TheAlexNevil: *job interview
HR: Can you name one of your strengths?
Me: Sure. I'll call it Giselle.
@TheAlexNevil: All carpentry tool names were created by someone in desperate need of sex.
@TheAlexNevil: 2017 Resolution: spend more quality time with my son
*son begins describing his 500 new Pokémon cards*
Well, there's always next year
@TheAlexNevil: "In just 4 years, you can get a 4 year degree!"
Yes, "university" commercial--that math checks out.
@TheAlexNevil: Me: How's it look?
Doc: You have 2 months to live
M: WHAT?? You're my dentist!
D: Then you don't need to come back for a cleaning in 6 mos
There is only one rule, it should be funny, you can submit your own tweet or one you think is funny.
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FunnyTweeter.com is a daily updated collection of funniest tweets from all over the world. We did not write these tweets, all credit goes to the original authors, follow them and encourage them to tweet more :)
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