@TheAlexNevil

Whoever said “Just showing up is half the battle” (a) didn’t understand battles and (b) probably died quickly after showing up.

@TheAlexNevil

4 said he went potty and I asked if it was number one or number two. He said number 7, and now I’m terrified to go into the bathroom.

@TheAlexNevil

Sometimes I make myself feel important by thinking in a British accent.

@TheAlexNevil

Based on the musicians who thanked him at the Grammys, I gotta say: I’m not crazy for God’s taste in music.

@TheAlexNevil

Ran into an ex-girlfriend. We talked, exchanged info, and she said her “insurance would call” me. Someones still carrying a torch!

@TheAlexNevil

Survival Tip: if a bear comes at you, do not try to “sweep the leg”. They’ve all seen The Karate Kid and learned how to defend against it.