Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets
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@TheAlexNevil : *first day in a Vegas poker tournament
Me: I’m all in
Host: Sir, this is the buffet
@TheAlexNevil: *first day as zookeeper
(letting animals out) “Go, mingle.”
@TheAlexNevil: *Neil Armstrong sets foot on moon:
“NO... BIG... QUOTE... PLANNED... AND... NOTHING... SPRINGS... TO... MIND”
Houston: Did you say "That's one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind"?
Neil Armstrong: uuuh, yes, yes I did
@TheAlexNevil: I call a spade a “spade.”
I also call a horse a “horse” and a pencil a “pencil.”
When it comes to calling things by their names, I am no one to be trifled with.
@TheAlexNevil: Marriage is about understanding what irritates your spouse and using it strategically.
@TheAlexNevil: I took a break from social media to spend more time with my family. My family has requested I spend more time with social media.
@TheAlexNevil: Not all clowns are creepy. Many are just honest, hard-working operatives of Satan.
@TheAlexNevil: I never slashed an enemy’s tires, but once I wrote “Your mean” on his dirty back window, misspelling “You’re” just to mess with his head.
@TheAlexNevil: How To Be A Parent
Step 1: have a child
Step 2: your guess is as good as mine
@TheAlexNevil: “What kind of sick game are you playing, Karen?”
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FunnyTweeter.com is a daily updated collection of funniest tweets from all over the world. We did not write these tweets, all credit goes to the original authors, follow them and encourage them to tweet more :)
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