Falling in love on Twitter.
Actually the first 38 years of my childhood have been the hardest.
During childbirth the pain is so great that a woman almost knows what it’s like for a man to have the flu.
Last year for Christmas I got a sweater, this year I am hoping for a screamer or a moaner.
I mean I married my wife for her looks, but not the dirty ones she’s been giving me lately.
GOD DAMN IT, MY BLOW UP DOLL HAS A PUNCTURE
Do you ever get shampoo in your eyes and wonder what the name of your guide dog will be?
The first 36 years of my childhood have been the hardest.
Wife left a note on the fridge it says “It’s not working, gone to my mom’s” I opened it and opened a beer, it’s cold, the fridge works fine?