@TheBoydP: Pro tip: Never explain to your wife that it's the washer and dryer that actually does the laundry.
@TheBoydP: After the floors are mopped no one is allowed to walk on them again... Ever
@TheBoydP: Seven Worst Crimes:
6. Over cooking a steak
3. Buying cheap tequila
1. Inspirational tweeting
@TheBoydP: Purse Rules:
1. My wife agreed not to buy designer purses
2. I agreed it’s not a designer purse if I don’t know how much it costs
@TheBoydP: Whenever you eat something that tastes awful you should always say "that's disgusting" immediately followed by "here try it".
@TheBoydP: When someone my age uses the word “harvest” there’s a 50/50 chance it’s a reference to either body parts or tomatoes.
@TheBoydP: It's like my Granddad used to say "Sarcasm is not a good thing to bring to a gun fight either."
@TheBoydP: Ever notice how drunken late night snacks are the most creative? Long story short, last night's Kung Pao Cheerios were rather tasty.