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Page of TheBoydP's best tweets

@TheBoydP : I'm an author when I write and I'm an actor when I lie, but I don't get paid for either so my bio says accountant.

@TheBoydP: Who knows what my boss meant when he said I had a lackadaisical attitude but truthfully I don't care and I'm not interested in finding out.

@TheBoydP: Welcome to your fifties, you take the elevator instead of the stairs now and you still pull a muscle.

@TheBoydP: [Attractive stylist washing out my hair after cutting it]

Stylist: How’s the water temperature?

[Water so hot it’s scalding my scalp]

Me: It’s fine

@TheBoydP: Life is like a can of mixed nuts. No matter how hard you try to get all kinds, you’re always left with a bunch of peanuts in the end.

@TheBoydP: Spoiler Warning: Playing possum when you get pulled over will NOT get you out of a speeding ticket...

@TheBoydP: All hugs are good hugs except bear hugs. A bear hug is like a regular hug except you die at the end...

@TheBoydP: How late at night does it have to be before you can call it a snack and not another meal?

@TheBoydP: Protip: If you refer to yourself as “someone” when explaining something bad that happened, your wife will always know that “someone” is you.

@TheBoydP: Welcome to your fifties. You need to try on belts before you buy them now.