@TheBoydP: What's it called when you plant a ghost pepper plant and when it starts making peppers you don't eat them because you're afraid they'll be too hot?
@TheBoydP: All I'm saying is why blame it on being lazy when you can blame it on being old?
@TheBoydP: The lady cutting my hair asked me to lift my head like I was taking a selfie. I don’t know what’s worse, her request or me knowing exactly what to do.
@TheBoydP: Top Seven Cereal Brands with Sexual Innuendo:
6. Lucky Charms
5. Cream of Wheat
4. Grape Nuts
2. Honey Smacks
1. Nut 'n Honey
@TheBoydP: All I'm saying is pulling a lion out of your hat is actually much more impressive than pulling a rabbit out of your hat.
@TheBoydP: Sex is great but have you ever perfectly clapped the hand clapping part of a song?
@TheBoydP: I can’t believe how many women ignore their check engine light.
*ignores high blood pressure*
@TheBoydP: Can’t, I’m in big trouble with the wife. I didn’t notice a new piece of furniture for two months.