Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of TheBoydP's best tweets

@TheBoydP : *scroll*

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[I just learned that different colors of the heart emoji mean different things]

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@TheBoydP: "GUYS! GET UP! THE HOME INVASION ALARM IS GOING OFF AGAIN!"

~My dog when the doorbell rings

@TheBoydP: All I'm saying is people who don't swear are fornicated up emotionally.

@TheBoydP: Unfortunately I've determined that sucking up is part of human nature because it works and yes my boss DID look very nice today...

@TheBoydP: Interviewer: Any questions?

Me: Why is the fattest holiday character the one that goes down the chimney?

@TheBoydP: PSA:

Drunks will undercook grilled chicken every single time.

Friends don't let friends get drunk and grill chicken.

@TheBoydP: All I’m saying is having a great sense of smell is not as wonderful as you would think it would be.

@TheBoydP: Ladies,

Please stop answering our questions with "yes, of course". All you're doing is forcing us to nod our heads like we knew that.

Men

@TheBoydP: I'm "When I get a haircut I think she cuts more hair off my ears and eyebrows than my head" years old.

@TheBoydP: Interviewer: Any questions?

Me: Do you think his parents looked at him as a baby and said “You look like an Engelbert Humperdinck”?