Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of TheBoydP's best tweets

@TheBoydP : Protip: Never ask an accountant “What have I got to lose?”

@TheBoydP: Chaos Theory or how my wife describes my dishwasher loading technique…

@TheBoydP: “It’s not debauchery it's Digiorno!”

Me drunk about to eat a frozen pizza

@TheBoydP: Twitter is great because it allows me to show off my hilarious mind without showing off my hilarious body...

@TheBoydP: My wife and I were looking for something at Walmart when she said “Maybe it’s on the health food aisle” and then we laughed and laughed.

@TheBoydP: Who's the idiot that made the rule that the nicest restaurants must give you the smallest portions?

@TheBoydP: What's it called when no one can dance but everyone dances?

A good wedding reception

@TheBoydP: Does the writer who left the space blank get upset when a note is added that it was intentionally left blank?

@TheBoydP: The key to office success is to only have one of two things out on your desk at any time, things you’re working on or things that make you look busy.

@TheBoydP: Ever notice that adding "after hours" or "after dark" to anything makes it sexy?

Walmart after hours
Walmart after dark

Almost anything...