@TheBoydP

I’m “When I get a haircut I think she cuts more hair off my ears and eyebrows than my head” years old.

@TheBoydP

Interviewer: Any questions?

Me: Do you think his parents looked at him as a baby and said “You look like an Engelbert Humperdinck”?

@TheBoydP

I can make six sentences with just the names of my two sons.

Chase will chase Will.
Will will chase Chase.
Will Chase chase Will?
Chase will.
Will Will chase Chase?
Will will.

@TheBoydP

Thanksgiving fact: Giblets are just Grandma speak for the gross stuff.

@TheBoydP

Can’t, I’m in big trouble with the wife. I put chips and salsa out for family and friends and didn’t use a Thanksgiving dish.

@TheBoydP

STOMP! STOMP! CLAP!
STOMP! STOMP! CLAP!

We will we will drink you

STOMP! STOMP! CLAP!
STOMP! STOMP! CLAP!

*pours vodka after bad day*

@TheBoydP

I’m at the age I don’t remember it’s my birthday but my wife makes me feel better by reminding me I’m at the age I don’t remember anything.

@TheBoydP

I wanted to go see the Queen reunion concert but I am just a poor boy from a poor family…

@TheBoydP

My boss said our teamwork at work should be as good as our teamwork at home with our spouses and all I could think was what kind of crazy marriage does he have?

@TheBoydP

Bad is when you finish the dishes then see a few more things to wash. Worse is when your wife is there so you can’t say you didn’t see them.