@TheCatWhisprer

ME: *goes on mute after giving update on a conference call*
MY 4 Y/O: [standing behind me baffled] daddy, what does any of that even mean?
ME: i don’t know, girl. i don’t know

@TheCatWhisprer

The thing about minigolf is you can only make the putt in 2 strokes or 16. There is no in between.

@TheCatWhisprer

If you want to know what you really look like hand your phone to a 5-year-old to take a picture.

@TheCatWhisprer

My wife just suggested that we change into something more comfortable, so you know what that means.

Spaghetti night. It’s spaghetti night.

@TheCatWhisprer

ME: *burps a little under my breath*

MY 5YO: [from 3 rooms away] say ‘excuse me’

@TheCatWhisprer

One of my main goals as a parent is to provide my kid with enough amenities that she would never ask me to take her camping.

@TheCatWhisprer

High school never prepared me for how many times I would have to fix a toilet when I grew up.

@TheCatWhisprer

My 4yo just came up to me and said “daddy, there are some things you don’t know” and then walked away. I don’t know if I should be offended or frightened.

@TheCatWhisprer

I never believed in having a life coach until my 4yo advised me that I should always carry a spare pizza under my hat.