ME: *goes on mute after giving update on a conference call*
MY 4 Y/O: [standing behind me baffled] daddy, what does any of that even mean?
ME: i don’t know, girl. i don’t know
The thing about minigolf is you can only make the putt in 2 strokes or 16. There is no in between.
If you want to know what you really look like hand your phone to a 5-year-old to take a picture.
My wife just suggested that we change into something more comfortable, so you know what that means.
Spaghetti night. It’s spaghetti night.
ME: *burps a little under my breath*
MY 5YO: [from 3 rooms away] say ‘excuse me’
One of my main goals as a parent is to provide my kid with enough amenities that she would never ask me to take her camping.
High school never prepared me for how many times I would have to fix a toilet when I grew up.
My 4yo just came up to me and said “daddy, there are some things you don’t know” and then walked away. I don’t know if I should be offended or frightened.
Just saw a BMW double-parked at the grocery store. Nature is healing.
I never believed in having a life coach until my 4yo advised me that I should always carry a spare pizza under my hat.