@TheChalupa1

I’m sorry I started making smores while your house was burning down

@TheChalupa1

Getting old is trying to decide whether to roll to your right or roll to your left after getting the dog’s ball from under the couch

@TheChalupa1

I ate grapes and blueberries for breakfast today and I guess I’m a bear now

@TheChalupa1

Apparently ‘Cuz the floor is lava!’ isn’t a good enough excuse for me to not fold laundry

@TheChalupa1

How do vampires get their hair and makeup done so well if they can’t use a mirror?

@TheChalupa1

If you wanna get into my pants, feel free.

They’re over there on the floor. Haven’t worn them in months.

@TheChalupa1

Getting older means taking that first step down the stairs in the morning carefully, to see if your achilles or your knees are working as they should

@TheChalupa1

FYI guys, women don’t like it when you start rubbing a magic eraser on them during an argument