Friend: You’re wearing camo
Friend: Face paint too
Friend: Going hunting?
My brain: ᵀʰᶦˢ ᶦˢⁿ’ᵗ ʷᵒʳᵏᶦⁿᵍ ʰᵉ ᶜᵃⁿ ˢᵗᶦˡˡ ˢᵉᵉ ᵐᵉ
2020 has really changed me, but not completely. For example, I haven’t showered in 3 days, but I still silently judge stinky people
Escape room, but it’s just me locking myself in the car again
– Designed to stop people
– Can be opened by people
I’ve been using my 4 year old as an alarm clock for the last month. Let me tell you, remarkably consistent.
Chicago: hurt me
Me: eats pizza with a spoon
I wore a mask to run errands today
Accidentally robbed a bank