@TheDairylandDon

Did you ever see someone yawn, and then yawn yourself? That psychological reaction is a phenomenon known as: “Katherine Heigl movies.”

@TheDairylandDon

A magician begins pulling scarf after scarf after scarf out of his front tuxedo pocket until Steven Tyler slowly fades away from all photos.

@TheDairylandDon

If you wear a ship’s captain’s hat around, people will just do what you say. I run a Starbucks, a Target, a submarine, and two street gangs.

@TheDairylandDon

They say drugs will hurt your long term memory but I kind of take pride in needing to Google the proper spelling of “Bieber” every damn time